I've Been Laid Off. {Again}.

This is a hard post to write.

This is a REALLY hard post to write.

But, this is also my blog, and it’s a place where I want/need to write down what is happening in my life so in five or ten years, I can look back at my thoughts and remember what was going through my head at that moment in time.

Let’s take a trip down memory lane. Shall we?

It was January 2010 and I was working for a small start up. I had just returned from the extended Christmas holiday that the company graciously provided as a perk. I knew the company was in trouble and needed to find a buyer, as the venture capital funding they were relying on was drying up. I never thought the buyer they had found would be conducting MAJOR layoffs…. To the tune of 1/2 of the company.

I was part of the group that lost their jobs that January morning, but I was one of three people asked to stay on and transition work for a 30 day period. At least I still had a job for 30 days.

I worked my butt off, and became quite close with the new management team. If my memory serves me correctly, on the 2nd to last day of the transition period, I was asked to stay with the company full time and forget any of the layoff talk had ever happened.

I accepted my employer’s proposal to say on, because even if the situation was tough to “forgive and forget”… I was (1) still employed , (2) it was a job I was comfortable doing, and (3) I knew I could quietly keep looking for something better.

Well, I found something better at the end of March 2010. I resigned, {Remember this post? I was scared to death!} and thought I’d never look back.

I looked back this past Monday, and every part of my being screamed, "WHY? WHY? WHY?"

I was laid off on Monday. For the 2nd time in a year and half.

Ouch.

I liked my job and was happy with what I was doing. Managment seemed to be really happy with me too. I had my annual review in March and recieved glowing remarks as a result. Things seemed to be going really well. But, businenss is business, and over the last week, I've learned that the company is really struggling and as a result laid off me and three other people.

Fore me. being laid off is a soul crushing feeling. You feel like you’re worthless, incompetent, and just no good. It hurts to the core.

So, why am I writing this recap of despair for the entire internet to see? Because, if you’ve been laid off, no matter how many times someone tells you “It’s not your fault”, it can NEVER hurt to read it, see it, or reinforce the idea in your brain. I’m finally starting to understand what “It’s not your fault” means.
The first time I was laid off, I didn’t get it. I thought there had to be SOMETHING I could have done to have prevented it. The truth is, there wasn’t. I couldn’t prevent the new owners from buying the company. I couldn’t do a song and dance to prove how much talent they would be losing if they let me go. There was nothing I could do.

This time was different. Even when they were telling me my position ceased to exist, my uncontorable tears and hypervelentaing did nothing to change the situation.

I won't to get into the details of my most recent organization and how messed up it is and why at least dozen people have been laid off in the last year. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m going to take hold of the things that I CAN control and that I CAN influence.

I’m going to come back stronger. It might not be tomorrow, but, watch me. It will happen, and I’m not looking back this time.

My sweet, supportive husband gave me a card this week that has some of the truest words ever written. Good old Hallmark. Here they are:

I am so sorry.
There’s nothing fair or right about any of this, and nothing I can say will make it okay—as much as I wish it could.
There’s so much suffering and loss given these times we’re in, but you’ve got to believe it’s because of the times and not because of you that this is happening.
I know that’s true, because I know you.
You intelligence, your humor, your hard work, and your attitude are just a few of the reasons that I also know you will get through this—and you know I’m hoping that happens sooner rather than later.
So please, when you’re ready, take heart, take care and trust that everything really will turn out okay.

Savannah

We just returned from a long weekend in Savannah, and I will certainly blog more about the trip later. It was a wonderful, rejuvenating weekend and I'm to thankful that we were able to get away for a few days.

I have lots to catch up on before I can sit down and blog, but I thought I'd leave you with one of my favorite images from the trip.

This was taken during out biking tour of the gorgeous Historic District. I must have been Southern in a previous life because everything about this city was wonderful.

My Love/Hate Relationship with Paneling

I've always thought that I had a love/hate relationship with paneling. Well, if we're being honest here, it's more like just a hate/hate relationship with paneling; but recently, I may be warming to the thought of letting some paneling back into my life.

DH and I live in a home built in the 1920's. When he moved in, saying that some of the decor was outdated was an understatement.

A. Serious. Understatement.

He worked on updating things here and there before I moved in, and after we got married, we've continued to work room by room to remodel much of the house eradicating all forms of the horrible paneling.

Remember my 70's era kitchen before photos? Okay, this isn't really my kitchen, but it looked a lot like it. I almost shudder just thinking of the old kitchen.

If you wish, you can read updates on my kitchen here and here.

Recently, however, I have really been getting into wainscoting.... and it scares the living daylights out of me.... because it's PANELING! I just tell myself that it's refined paneling and not the gross 1970's paneling that we had everywhere in the house not that long ago. I am really falling in love with it. 

We have a bathroom that we'd like to remodel and I think I'm going to incorporate wainscoting into the redesign. The bathroom has a multitude of sins that come along with an old house like slightly uneven walls and sloping floors. We need to cover these things up. Enter the solution to messy walls.... wainscoting. 

How could you not love this stuff? 

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From what I have read, it isn't even that hard to install. Given that, and the fact that I have a pretty handy husband, I think we will okay with this remodel! Fingers crossed, of course. If the bathroom goes well, I like the stuff enough that I would put it in other part of my home, too. Look at this gorgeous entryway. This just screams my taste. We of course do not have an entryway like this, but a girl can dream, right?

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Does anyone have any experience with wainscoting? Let me know, send me links, school me on your wonderful ways! I can't wait to tackle this project. 

Water for Elephants

I was a little late to the party when I read Water for Elephants last summer, but I truly enjoyed the book that everyone had been talking about for months. When I finished the book last August and discovered it was being adapted for film, I wrote about my excitement here on my blog.

Then I stumbled across this piece of eye candy for the movie this morning, and it has totally refueled my excitement for the movie! I can't wait!

How gorgeous is Reese?

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Love it!

A Daily Laugh Over Thin Mints

The back story:
MrMarried loves Girl Scout ThinMints. It's as though the he has a magnet that attracts all Thin Mint favored goodness directly towards him.

Exhibit A: My "Thin Mint" shampoo. I had a free coupon for a bottle of Organix shampoo not long ago, so I thought I'd try the stuff. I ended up really liking what it did to my hair, and have been using it quite regularly. I noticed that I was going through the bottles really quickly, and my suspisions were correct...MrMarried was using the stuff. I'm almost sure he has completely converted to the "Thin Mint" brand (as he calls it).

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The man has about and inch and a half of hair... he could wash it with the stuff thats $1/gallon and it wouldn't matter.... but oh well. At least his hair smells good, right?


The conversation:
An actual conversation that occurred between MrMarried and I (via text) at 9:02 AM this morning.

MissMarried: Babe, the cookies are here. (I attached this picture to the text)...

MrMarried: Finally! Bring them home right now. I'll meet you at the house.

MissMarried. Haha. You will have to wait until tonight.

MrMarried: Fine.

Now for the hilarious part: You can't really understand his tone based on this blog post, but I promise you, my husband was dead serious when he suggested that I leave work and meet him at home for the cookie exchange.

Sorry, honey, eight hours won't kill ya. See you tonight.

Dancing with the Stars-- Beginners Style

Last fall Mr. Married was a groomsman in a friend's wedding. Although the bride and the groom live in Texas, they decided to have the wedding here in Pennsylvania and bring the Texas crew up here for some good old northern hospitality (if that even exists). Kidding-- I love my hometown!

We got to meet the Texas half of the bridal party before the wedding at various pre-wedding events and were particularly fond of the best man and his wife. They were just kind, fun people who could TWO STEP LIKE LIKE NOTHING I HAVE EVER SEEN... and waltz... and cha-cha... and salsa. I could go on. It was unreal. 

At the wedding, Mr.Married and I were on the dance floor all night holding our own, but with absolutely no dance training between the two of us other than elementary school tap and ballet lessons we couldn't hold a match to their candle bonfire. 

I could tell by husband's face-- he wanted to dance like that. 

Then we started watching Dancing with the Stars. Religiously. I could see the "I want to learn to dance like that" flame that was lit inside of him grow a little more. 

Let's pause for a second here... my husband's favorite store is Home Depot. He owns and uses(!) more power tools that a small army of handymen. Given the choice he would eat steak and potatoes every night. He lives for hockey and when the players bleed on the ice. He is just very much a manly-man. He is not one that I can consult about decorating and the fine arts.... and HE wants to Learn How to Dance?!?! This rocks! Now, for the record, you I get that you can be a manly-man and still be in touch with your feminine side, so please don't send me nasty comments. 

Fast forward to Christmas. Under the tree this year, Mr. Married crafted an idea to give us dancing lessons and we are starting the week of Valentine's Day.

I don't expect it to be anything like this, beacuse let's face it, this woman has practically zero clothes on:

Or like this: 

But I know it's going to be a blast. It's a 10 week class, I am hoping that we will have some skills at the end... or at least enough skills to move on to the advanced class! 

Have any of you ever taken a ballroom dance class? What do I wear? What kind of shoes do I need? What can I expect? Fill me in on the details. 

Have a great weekend! 

January Loves

I think it's pretty evident that since I haven't blogged in nearly a month, that there has been a lot going on in the month of December. Who didn't have a crazy December though? I'm proud to say that most of the work craziness is behind me, and I'm focusing on 2011 and the renewal it brings. I'm thrilled. Plus, I can deal with the daily non-work crazy... that's what makes life fun, right?

There are some things that I'm loving as January is upon us. I call them my "January Loves". In no particular order, here we go:

1. Wii Fit Plus

Mr. Married gave this to me for Christmas, and I LOVE it. Seriously LOVE. I'm finding it great for a quick workout when I can't don't have an ounce of motivation left to get to the gym after a long day. I'm still getting used to all the settings, but I'm finding that some of them can be quite challenging! I think it's really what you put into it. Hardwork in = results out. Junk in = Junk out.



2. Hooked on Houses Blog

I think it's a fact that I was either a real estate agent, an interior designer, or Sabrina Soto from HGTV in a previous life. House Hunters, Designed to Sell, Candice Olson's Divine Design... I could watch them ALL day... just ask my husband. Now, I never said I was actually good at decorating, but I love the shows and all things houses.... which leads me to my next "January Love": The Hooked on Houses blog.

I came across the blog because I had just caught part of the movie Something's Gotta Give, and I remembered how much I ADORED the house that they used for filming. Remember this house?

Holy Moly. I could live there in a heartbeat. I googled the house in the movie and came across The Hooked on Houses post. Apparently the exterior of the house is actually on Long Island in the Hamptons, but the interior was created on a sound stage. But the sound stage/sets, I believe, were based on the real house.

Regardless, if you love houses, this website it for you. They have so much more than just movie houses, too!

3. The Container Store and particularly the Elfa Closet Sale

I've blogged about my closet before, and to be perfectly honest, there aren't many updates on this project. We are about 80% complete, and the project has just stalled. It's frustrating. Sure, I have bought some neater storage, so the shoe boxes aren't a disaster- aka this mess is NOTHING like this anymore:

(I suppose I should post a picture of what it really looks like now. I will get around to it!) 

But there are still some things that just need to get done. Hello carpet! Anyway... the reason I am blubbering on about this closet has to do with the image right under the #3 "January Love". Take a good look at it. See that beautiful white storage contraption and how nicely it fits into that funny sized space?

Now take a good look at this image from the construction phase of the closet (I think the caption says it all):

It's like the stars have aligned and the people at the Container Store (God Bless them!!) came into my house when I was sleeping and designed a solution for MY roofline. I hear the angels singing, for real I do! Call me nuts, but I'm excited about this one! 

I think a serious purchase is about to happen on their website since I unfortunately do not have one of these stores in a bazillion mile radius of my house. You would think I lived on an abandoned island somewhere. 

What are your "January Loves"? I hope that whatever they happen to be, they're putting you in a great mood for the year ahead! 

"I Don't Get It"- Christmas Shopping Edition

Have you ever had an experience where you just think...."Why is this so backward?!"

I had just such an experience last night.

I needed to track down a Christmas gift game for the Wii. Sims 3 for Wii to be precise. I checked all the usual suspects.


Amazon (shockingly the most expensive!) at $51. 

Best Buy at $49.99.

Target also at $49.99.

After my research, I thought I was pretty much stuck paying $50 for the game, which is pretty typical for these types of games. My plan was to hit up Target, since it's on the way home, buy the game, and call it a day. 

When... what to my wondering eyes did appear, but a miniature price and twenty bucks off of the reindeer ...err...game. At Toys 'R' Us! I never even thought to look there.

I quickly made sure it was actually the game that I wanted (it was), and changed my plans to head over to the store (also on my way home) and swoop up the game. 

When I got to the store, I quickly found an associate, asked for the game, and double checked the price. The store's shelf said $49.99. I pulled up ToysRUs.com my blackberry, showed the associate my screen and pointed to the $29.99 price. 

He blinked. Blinked again. Looked confused. And went to get his manager. 

The manager, in her most unprofessional tone possible, (seriously, she was quite rude) stated that "Toys 'R' Us the store, and Toys 'R' Us the website are 'different companies' (huh?!) and they can't price match their website."  She went on to say that, "With shipping and handling, the item would probably be more than the $49.99 price that they offered in the store."

Wrong. 

$29.99 + $2.98 shipping + $2.10 tax = Drum roll please....$37.07. 

Almost $13 cheaper to have Toys 'R' Us pay someone to ship the game to my house vs. me picking it up in store. Since when is that ever the case? 

The manager wasn't budging, so I smiled, politely said, "Okay, I'll just buy it online, and left. Thinking to myself the whole time, this is so backwards... but I'm still getting a deal.

Now if I could only figure out a way to get off their mailing list that I will probably be on until the end of time.... eh, what the heck? Maybe it will come in handy when I have kids someday.