Just Keep Swimming... The Story of My Life Right Now

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Enough said. Just Keep Swimming.

I've Been Laid Off. {Again}.

This is a hard post to write.

This is a REALLY hard post to write.

But, this is also my blog, and it’s a place where I want/need to write down what is happening in my life so in five or ten years, I can look back at my thoughts and remember what was going through my head at that moment in time.

Let’s take a trip down memory lane. Shall we?

It was January 2010 and I was working for a small start up. I had just returned from the extended Christmas holiday that the company graciously provided as a perk. I knew the company was in trouble and needed to find a buyer, as the venture capital funding they were relying on was drying up. I never thought the buyer they had found would be conducting MAJOR layoffs…. To the tune of 1/2 of the company.

I was part of the group that lost their jobs that January morning, but I was one of three people asked to stay on and transition work for a 30 day period. At least I still had a job for 30 days.

I worked my butt off, and became quite close with the new management team. If my memory serves me correctly, on the 2nd to last day of the transition period, I was asked to stay with the company full time and forget any of the layoff talk had ever happened.

I accepted my employer’s proposal to say on, because even if the situation was tough to “forgive and forget”… I was (1) still employed , (2) it was a job I was comfortable doing, and (3) I knew I could quietly keep looking for something better.

Well, I found something better at the end of March 2010. I resigned, {Remember this post? I was scared to death!} and thought I’d never look back.

I looked back this past Monday, and every part of my being screamed, "WHY? WHY? WHY?"

I was laid off on Monday. For the 2nd time in a year and half.

Ouch.

I liked my job and was happy with what I was doing. Managment seemed to be really happy with me too. I had my annual review in March and recieved glowing remarks as a result. Things seemed to be going really well. But, businenss is business, and over the last week, I've learned that the company is really struggling and as a result laid off me and three other people.

Fore me. being laid off is a soul crushing feeling. You feel like you’re worthless, incompetent, and just no good. It hurts to the core.

So, why am I writing this recap of despair for the entire internet to see? Because, if you’ve been laid off, no matter how many times someone tells you “It’s not your fault”, it can NEVER hurt to read it, see it, or reinforce the idea in your brain. I’m finally starting to understand what “It’s not your fault” means.
The first time I was laid off, I didn’t get it. I thought there had to be SOMETHING I could have done to have prevented it. The truth is, there wasn’t. I couldn’t prevent the new owners from buying the company. I couldn’t do a song and dance to prove how much talent they would be losing if they let me go. There was nothing I could do.

This time was different. Even when they were telling me my position ceased to exist, my uncontorable tears and hypervelentaing did nothing to change the situation.

I won't to get into the details of my most recent organization and how messed up it is and why at least dozen people have been laid off in the last year. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m going to take hold of the things that I CAN control and that I CAN influence.

I’m going to come back stronger. It might not be tomorrow, but, watch me. It will happen, and I’m not looking back this time.

My sweet, supportive husband gave me a card this week that has some of the truest words ever written. Good old Hallmark. Here they are:

I am so sorry.
There’s nothing fair or right about any of this, and nothing I can say will make it okay—as much as I wish it could.
There’s so much suffering and loss given these times we’re in, but you’ve got to believe it’s because of the times and not because of you that this is happening.
I know that’s true, because I know you.
You intelligence, your humor, your hard work, and your attitude are just a few of the reasons that I also know you will get through this—and you know I’m hoping that happens sooner rather than later.
So please, when you’re ready, take heart, take care and trust that everything really will turn out okay.

Thankful

I’ve always been a "glass-half-full" type of person, and that little person inside of me comes out even more during this holiday season that is upon us.

I am going to get these numbers wrong, but I’ve heard it said that life is something like 10% of the situation you're faced with and 90% how you react to it. Maybe it’s even higher than that, I’m not sure.

I believe we all have a choice when we wake up every morning. We choose to wake up on the positive side of the bed, or roll out onto the negative side…. And although it’s not easy, I fight like the devil each day to wake on the positive side.

This week, one of my colleagues was whining about how she didn’t have any remaining vacation days to take off for Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I just smiled and nodded, and thought to myself… I don’t have any days either, but I’m THANKFUL that I’m earning a paycheck for doing my job for three days, and then I’m still being paid to be at home with my family for the remaining two. I wasn’t complaining about the three days I was working, but I was focusing on the positive two days that I had off.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I realize this is an over simplified example. Finding the sliver lining in everything is. Not. Easy. Sometimes, it's impossible. I get that. I’ve been there. But on the other hand, when there are simple examples around me where I can just flip my mindset from complaining (about not having three days off), to celebrating (that I have two)… that’s one more life situation that now has a positive spin, rather than a negative one. I’ve found when I add up all of the tiny positives in my life, you better believe I can flip the positive side of the balancing seesaw scale to outweigh the negative side… even if I'm facing some daunting negatives.

I hope that your Thanksgiving brings the out even the tiniest positives in your life. Whether it's being able to have a small (or huge) gathering with your family tomorrow, reflecting on good health, recognizing a milestone you achieved this year, or something else that is special to you, I hope that your Thanksgiving is joyous and reflective. We are all so blessed.

I remember as I was planning my wedding, my mom's favorite saying when people would ask "Are you stressed about how much you have to do?" was "We're too blessed to be stressed."

Amen, Mama! Her saying applies to far more than just wedding planning.

I'm Resigning on Monday!

If someone were to tell me when I woke up last Monday that the events that took place over this past week were actaully going to happen, I would have told you that you were NUTS. But, as I look back at the week that was, and I'm confident that the old adage "Everything happens for a reason" is so, so true.

Okay, okay. Enough with talking in generalities. Let's get to the scoop.

But first, to recap:

• I was laid off from the company that I currently work for in January (not so awesome). 
• We were acquired by a firm that eliminated about half of the jobs  in our office (25ish people).
• I was asked to stay with the company for a transition period (30 days).
• Later, (end of January) I earned my job back when the people that bought us realized I rock they were in over their heads. (Duh. I could have told them it would happen.)

Before I found out I was being rehired, I polished my resume, posted it on Monster.com, and started the job hunting process. When I was rehired, I didn't take the resume down, because I figured it couldn't hurt anything, and I could always plead for forgiveness if my employer ever called me out on it by saying that I had simply forgotten.

Fast forward to this Monday. I got a call from someone in HR at-- spoiler alert-- my NEW Company. The woman told me she saw my resume on Monster, and asked if I would like to interview for a position. The position didn't match my qualifications, but the company sounded interesting, and I thought what the heck? We set up an interview for Thursday morning.

On Tuesday, the HR rep called me again and told me another position had just become available-- aka the job description was still wet from the ink it had been penned in--- and they wanted me to interview for the new position also. I happily agreed, and said that I would see them on Thursday morning.

I fibbed to my current job and said I had a "doctor's appointment" on Thursday morning.  Now you must understand that I've been thinking about leaving my current job for a long time. And after the layoffs in January, I had a sour taste in my mouth. As I drove to the interview, I had an overwhelming sense of calm about me. I can't describe it, but I had a feeling of-- This is it. No looking back. Review mirror is off.

And DANG, that HR woman knows her stuff because the 2nd job that she asked me to interview for fits my wants and my skills perfectly. It's a new position they've created to help carve out a specific brand for the organization. Right up my alley. Not to toot my own horn-- too loudly at least-- but I crushed, killed, and dominated the interview, again all with a reassuring sense of calm about me... things were clicking. I left feeling great.

Friday morning, I sent in some references paperwork, and heard back from the HR woman almost immediately. She told me on Friday morning, that if I was okay with everything, they wanted to come to terms of the agreement by the end of the day. WOW.

To make a long story short-- and a GIANT thank you for reading this far-- I've signed the papers and will be starting next Monday. I'm thrilled. I did my due diligence on the company and it's executives, and talked with my husband about the move to the new organization and when we look at the big picture, it's a great fit.

I just can't believe it all happens in a week. Whew! Life flies.

I'll be traveling a bit more in my new role, so perhaps that will open up a new category of topics to blog about, and more exciting adventures. I'm hopeful that the new job will have the cash to allow us to say in some beautiful hotels so I can start a new category of posts labeled "You Simply Must Say Here Before You Die"... but if that doesn't happen, I'm sure I'll find some great things to blog about regardless. Ha!

For now, I have to go write my peace out, girl scout resignation "speech." Any tips? I've never resigned before. I'm thinking short and sweet. Something like 4-5 sentences. I'll keep you posted.

A Open Letter to Cancer

Dear Cancer,

I hate you, and you've chosen to mess with the wrong family. 

You have invaded my father's body in the form of melanoma. Invasive Malignant Melanoma if we want to get fancy. This isn't our family's first battle with you, but that doesn't mean it makes it any easier to hear the news that my daddy, my superhero, and the man that will be there for me no matter what (other than my dear, dear husband) is sick.

I'm downright tired of you. You've invaded my dad's body once before with stage IV testicular disease, and you shook our family to the core. You took everything from my father's hair to his spunk, but you never took my father's spirit. Through his last treatments, my father--the sick one-- was so strong and told me as I sat on his hospital bed with the needles and tubes and monitors all over him that things would be okay.

My dad fought like the devil against you. He fought through the vomiting and the pain. He fought through the hours upon hours of chemo. And he drove your sorry ass into remission and then drove it even further to cure the first time... and he will do it again.

We aren't afraid of you, cancer.

Cancer, I'm not writing this letter to you for sympathy, because everyone knows that you don't dish out sympathy. I'm not writing this to you to discuss how wretched you are, because the most eloquent writer in the world could do a far better job than I ever could. Instead, I'm writing this to celebrate my father's first victory over you, and to celebrate the strength that he brings to this most recent fight.

Last Friday my dad had surgery to remove your malignant tissue. When I saw him that afternoon, and he told me that the nurses were asking all day:

"What is your name?"

"What is your date of birth?"

And, "What procedure are you having done today?"

Then the nurses would check everything against his wrist bracelet and charts. He eventually grew tired of answering the same questions over and over, so he started telling the nurses that he was having breast augmentation! HA! Only my dad! The nurses joked back with him that if he wasn't nice, they would paint his toenails while he was asleep. 

Cancer, I hate to break it to you, but these small victories, where my dad can bring humor to a crappy situation, are where we are building our case against you. And each building block gets us one step closer to bringing your tower of filth crashing down. We will do this. We will win.

This isn't over, cancer. I'm staring you right in the face and I DARE you to look away, because guess what? I'm not looking away first.

Love,
MissMarried

PS. As I sat in my childhood home on Friday talking with my dad about the day, he asked me to pull his sock off because he wanted to show me something. Those dear nurses had in fact painted his toenails bright purple. Every, single one of them.

Here is a picture of my dad and I on my wedding day.

He was glowing almost as much as I was all day.

The Start of Something BIG!

I've been thinking about starting a blog for some time, and figured that based on the current phase of my life that I'm in, now would be a perfect time. So, ta da... a blog is born! I plan to make this a space for thoughts, life updates, recipes, and just adventures in being a newlywed (yes, I just got married about 3 months ago, and I'm in love with being a newlywed!)

It's a perfect time to start a blog because I have been forced to do a bit of soul-searching lately, and I truly feel as though I'm standing at a starting line.... but it's a starting line that I'm excited about!

Well, I might as well lay it all out on the table. I was laid off earlier this month. Well, kind of. The company I was working for was forced into reorganization, and about 25 people were told they would be losing their jobs. I was part of the company's marketing team, and since my team is the only division being completely eliminated, we have been asked to stay on until the end of January to help with the transition. So, I will be officially laid off on January 31st.

I was shocked, and completely blindsided, but I believe that when one door closes, another opens. I have been able to think and reflect about the situation for a few days, and I truly think this is something that will be great for me. I will certainly be blogging about the job search.

So, thanks for being here. I hope that we can connect, share some ideas, and learn from each other.